Sleepless Nights

Dear, Sunny I wish you were awake with me. It would be nice to cuddle my soft puppy dog. I lay here in the dark in this unbearable pain. I am so sleepy! So tired of this pain. The house is still. I can hear the sleeping sound of my husband's deep relaxed breath. I am happy that he is sleeping so well. He has restless nights at times too. Tonight, he gets to rest from work worries. I would like to cuddle him, but I don't want to wake him. I want to lay my head on his chest, to hear his heart beat soothe my heart.  I can't bring myself to request or impose at such an odd hour.  It's another sleepless night for me. My head pain is so intense I feel like I want to die. If my pain would never subside, there would be no reason to bear through. Luckily, it goes away. It won't last forever. Luckily Excederin at 2am will help dull the pain. The caffeine will keep me wide a wake too. I haven't used the medicine in at least 5 days, so it should dull the pain this time.

I wrestle around in bed for another 3 hours. Left side, right side, on my stomach, and on my back. Every position hurts. My face hurts especially bad, my cheek bones ache. I try to stay here as long as I can. But it's not worth it. It's going to be a long day today. I can't get any sleep. Finally, I climb out of bed in the dark. I slip into a sweatshirt, flannel pajama pants and  warm socks. As quietly as possible I sneak out my bedroom door. Sunny dog wont be fooled, she hears my tip toes. My loving dog joins me downstairs on the couch. For a short moment she wags her tail with joy. Then we lay on the couch and cuddle. I am not alone anymore. I never expected this amazing dog to bring me such needed comfort.  I can hear the morning birds chirping, they are ready for the day. But it's still dark. I wonder when my family will wake up? The kitchen is always bustling in the early morning.  If I were to guess, I would say breakfast is a favorite time of day for everyone.

I never thought I would ask, "God where are you? Are you listening?" Last night I wondered. In my mind I started to sing, "Heavenly Father, are you really there? And do you hear and and answer every Childs prayer?" I have gone through a whole spectrum of feelings during the past 7 years. Faith is a constant work! Here are some of the feelings I have experience through my pain and trial: • What am I to learn from this constant pain • This is shaping character • This is building faith and humility • Pray harder • Learn to trust others • Stop praying, others have bigger needs • Stop praying, you already told God your problem a billion times • Don't be annoying • Pray again, have more faith • Maybe you need more faith • This is your lot, be stronger • Unify with others through trials, build friendship and trust • Celebrate the good days, and bear through the pain • This is life, everyone struggles. 

Sleepless nights are HARD! I think everyone gets to experience them. We all experience life from a different perspective. It's good to listen to people and their perspective. We can widen our own lens and gain more knowledge through the experience of others. It's time to truly LISTEN and LEARN from others.